8.5.13

Now the pale morning sings of forgotten things


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Sometimes I want to be like the moon, and turn my face to someone I love so that I can bathe in their warmth, their desire, and reflect it back to them without ever having to say a word. I wish that there was a way to make myself stop giving, stop trying to make everything easy for other people, and just let things die, if that is what they would do without my tending. Sometimes it feels as if, without my effort – without my constant straining to keep things alive, and growing – all the men I truly care for would allow (or have allowed) everything between us to fade away and eventually become lost, like a wish blown through a dandelion head. It is only when I lose my patience, when I want to tear it all up into tiny, irretrievable pieces, that they take my hands and lead me away from such destruction. Then they behave as if I were being hysterical - as if it were ridiculous that I should not simply FEEL how much they care about me without them ever having to show it.

I am a little ashamed to admit that I have spent a large portion of my time around people I did not really love, purely because they loved me, and I could feel it. Living your life under a canopy of adoration can be like living in fairy-land; you lose track of time, you know that there was something important you were supposed to be doing with your life but you can’t quite recall what it was…because all that matters is that you don’t have to work so hard anymore. You can relax. You are safe.

Maybe there is always a lover and a beloved. It certainly feels that way sometimes, when I am struggling to get anything close to the reaction that I want out of someone. On an intellectual level, of course, I understand that in order to do the things he has done for me, the man I am thinking of as I write this must care for me in some way. But understanding something on an intellectual level does not help when two people are trying to see if they can be together without causing the other heartache. You have to come to some kind of agreement – I will not let you burn yourself out with loving me. I will take over before you get too tired.

Nothing factually significant has happened since my last post, these are just the thoughts I have been living with for the past week. Really they have nothing to do with this one man. I am not entirely sure if I even want him. But there is something at stake here, I feel, even if it is just in my own mind. The only way it can continue is if I learn to be like the moon, and he does not let me grow cold when I do.


                                                                                          

53 comments:

  1. Love your nails and pretty much all these photos because you capture everything so beautifully! x

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  3. WOW! THis post is really thought-provoking, all these photos are beautyful, and when looking at them, I could not help myself but thinking of the time that passes by so quickly! One moment a flower is just a blossom, other- the dead reminder of how hard time sometimes are to us!
    And your writing! You are so right, there always is a lover and a belowed! You should think of possibility of being a writer!
    Ann
    http://somethingsworthtrying.blogspot.com/

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  4. The photos are so lovely and you write beautifully! Love the idea about the moon! xx

    wildflowerofprague.blogspot.cz

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  5. Amazing selection of photos and gifs.. So great!!

    ANd nice blog!

    Visit and follow mine if you like it! :)

    Greetings.

    http://enaissoul.blogspot.com.es/

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  6. lovely pics! i like the bed and the nails are amazing! xx

    http://neb-ula.blogspot.com/

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  7. Lovely writing, and I love EVERY single photo. The gifs, your nails, your bed, your shoes and all the springy glimpses.
    Katie xx
    http://thegravityandshe.blogspot.co.uk

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  8. Beautifully written... x

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  9. Those pics are awesome, but I love your nails the most! <3

    Do you wanna follow each other on GFC and Bloglovin', Instagram or maybe like for like on Facebook? Let me know, xoxo :*
    Blog Lissey
    Lissey on Bloglovin
    Lissey on Facebook
    Lissey on Instagram

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  10. This is so like a story or a dream. And you translate your thoughts everything into the perfect words and I wish I could do the same but instead I just make no sense.
    Oh and the kid in the 6th photo is the cutest. Please keep these post coming, you're getting me through my exams! <3

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  11. Firstly, I LOVE FIRST AID KIT!Secondly, your bed looks amazing it makes me want to sleep in it (not in a creepy way, i promise) and thirdly, as usual your writing is perfect, that feeling of not really loving someone but staying with them for far too long because you feel safe in the security and adoration of them loving you, I know it too well xoxoxox

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  12. 'There's always a lover and a beloved' I am actually starting to believe this is true, I've been in both roles and it's terrible. As the lover, you hurt, as the beloved you are empty. I do not know which is worse, loving so much that you feel like your heart is falling out of your chest and you might die. Or being loved so much that you just want to hide under a duvet while you struggle to figure out where you are supposed to put all this love.

    Please tell me there is a happy medium?

    Corinne x

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  13. really love your blog and nice pics :)
    just followed you via GFC! would you like to follow me too?
    I think we have similar style! :)
    Melody

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  14. wonderful pictures. i love the cloud nails so much.
    gorgeous!
    kisses
    maren anita

    FASHION-MEETS-ART by Maren Anita

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  15. beautiful shots dear <3

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  16. Hello,
    I would like to invite you to join my new giveaway and win a new pair of ssunglasses from Firmoo.com.
    http://victoria-coeurdor.blogspot.be/2013/05/firmoo-sunglasses-giveaway.html
    Feel free to join! :)

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  17. Hi Holly, thank you for following, please follow me on bloglovin, too. (I already do.) :)
    These pictures are great! And I like the lyrics by Lu Yu. It's surprising that so old words can be so actual.

    Have a nice day!
    Diana

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  18. Very beautiful photos! Love those cloud printed nails! X

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  19. Such a beautiful blog, very refreshing. I will definitely follow you from today!

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  20. Beautiful words as always! I have to admit I've been guilty of being with people only because they loved me. It can be very luring and you are right it does feel very safe.

    xo,
    Jamie

    http://inspirationlush.com/

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  21. I've just discovered your blog, i'm french :)
    And I fall in love with ur nail art, so cute !
    Your text is very emotional, i loved reading it ! :)

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  22. I love the way your write and I totally feel the same way as you do at times
    www.JuneWantsItAll.com

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  23. Hello I'am Chris From France!!
    You Have A Wonderful Blog Which I Consider To Be Registered In International Blog Dictionary. You Will Represent Your Country
    Please Visit The Following Link And Comment Your Blog Name
    Blog Url
    Location Of Your Country Operating In Comment Session Which Will Be Added In Your Country List
    http://world-directory-sweetmelody.blogspot.com/
    Happy Blogging

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  24. Bonjour,
    Il y a de très jolies photos sur ce blog, et une simplicité dans posts très agréable et accessible.

    ♥ Sylvie

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  25. I'm very confused now. You give me mixed feelings. I am impressed, though I just can't get a clear picture of who you are and what you're like. You seem a little awkward to me, a little all over and not focused, but also a warm person and a good, deep, empathetic thinker.

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  26. Love is the never the way you want it to be, for the reasons you bring up here. I don't know if I'd rather be the lover or the beloved.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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  27. Darling thank you so much for your comment, you are just too sweetie :)
    I really like this post, its a really good inspiration!! Love the photos too dear :)
    Come to comment my new post, ill heartily appreciate to know your opinion about it;
    http://peaceinmyshoes.blogspot.com.es

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  28. Thank you for your answer! A funny coincidence: I just finished reading my friend's philosophy article on people branding themselves for example on Facebook and Instagram.

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  29. What a beautiful blog, I thoroughly enjoyed pouring over it.
    I've followed you on blogluvin and look forward to reading your future posts!
    I've nominated you for the Liebster award :)
    Scarlett x

    velvetmintlifestyle.blogspot.co.uk

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  30. great pictures and post :)!

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  31. these photos and the way you speak. i love it. and the song behind the title. so good.
    xx
    selinanoma.blogspot.com

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  32. the last photograph is stunning! I'm also a big fan of your little brown purse and heels! xx

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  33. I really love this compilation of photos and your allegory of the moon. I have always adored the moon and it`s archetypal meanings. So beautiful it is.

    I sent you an e~mail, from (skno315@gmail.com). I hope I sent it to the right e~mail address :P

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  34. Love this post. And I love you.
    I have to take pictures soon, I'm lacking!

    xxBisnca
    www.xoxololita.com

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  35. Such a beautiful post, with gorgeous photos :) Your post is full of wisdom!

    Have a lovely day!
    Love Jenna Fifi

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  36. Amazing pics! Just fabulous:)

    Win a pair of sunglasses:
    http://theprintedsea.blogspot.de/2013/05/firmoo-giveaway.html

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  37. i nominated this blog for the versatile blogger award! the post is on my blog plasticpastels.blogspot.com x

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  38. Thank you so much for your comment!! I'm so glad that you liked my blog! :) Don't miss my latest news and if you want to stay tunned to my new updates, just follow me! ;)

    ♥ ★ ♥ GINGER COLLAGE ♥ ★ ♥

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  39. Cool water. Have a good week. I am always looking for reciprocal followings with my blogs if this interests. Thanks, Russ.

    DRRNM

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  40. Hi honey,

    Love your blog!!

    If you have a moment I would really appreciate it if you had a quick look at my blog! I am new to the blogging world and really trying to promote my writing.

    I will enjoy following you,

    Emily xxx

    www.beleza-byems.blogspot.co.uk

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  41. Wonderful peaceful pictures :)

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  42. Hi dear - just wanted to let you know that I got your email and I will respond it's just I've been working horrible hours. until 10pm Friday, Saturday and Sunday (ew, I know, it's a good job I don't have a social life!)

    I will respond when I get the chance to sit down and do so properly =)

    Hope you are enjoying your weekend x

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  43. Lovely Pictures, Your nails look FAB!
    Please take some time out & visit my blog
    www.stylesfrillsandheels.blogspot.co.uk
    Claudia xx

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  44. I really enjoyed reading this post and your photos are amazing!!

    Christina xx
    http://christinathorup.com/

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  45. I loved this post, the pictures are wonderful! I love the flowers on the top of your bed, so cute! And your cloud nails look really nice!

    Great blog :)

    Love, Lou xxx

    http://bluebird6.blogspot.co.uk/

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  46. Amazing pictures! Especially the gifs and your nails are quite cool! :>

    Much Love
    InspiringThing

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  47. these pictures are so damn good. the clouds nails, loveeeed it!

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  48. Amazing, loved it! ♥
    xxx

    http://infinityuniverse-ema.blogspot.pt/

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Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, I appreciate every one. You can also tweet me @hollycassell, or email me at contactpersephone@gmail.com.